Goodbye Apathy
by AnitaRealityCheck
Summary: It's breaking ice, now to make any movement. Whats your vice? You know mines the illusion." Heero must come to terms that he is exactly what she needs, even if that means saying goodbye to his apathy.
1. Prologue

**_I have yet to decide if this will be part of a series or not. I have a few ideas that would be great, but not sure. Ah well! So, I know this is short but this is only the prologue after all! Thank you for reading and any feed back would be greatly welcomed!_******

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I am but a poor college student, eating nothing but macaroni and cheese, ramen, and beefaroni!_**

**_Goodbye Apathy_**

_**Prologue**_

He wasn't sure what to think anymore. He was in over his head and wasn't even sure what his next action would be, he was no longer in control, something he had never experienced.

Not being in control.

She was the reason for his not being in control and he wasn't entirely sure if he disliked not being in control, or if, in this particular case, he wanted to feel out of control.

Just like he wanted to destroy the bastard that had harmed her this time, that had taken advantage of her good nature. That man was as good as dead once he found him, no one harmed her and was able to get away.

"But why do you care?" Duo asked staring at his friend. "Didn't you think she'd move on after four… no… five years of waiting for you?"

"…" No answer as he glared at the small dining table.

"Heero, you need to tell her, show her, or just let her the hell alone." Duo stated crossing his arms. He was tired of seeing his friend beat himself over the little things that happened to the Vice foreign minister, and it seemed like every little thing set him off as of late when it came to her.

"I'm no good for her." The man stated. He crossed his arms and glared at the table.

"To hell you aren't." Duo slammed his fist on the table. This was an argument that he was tired of having. He was sick of telling the man that he was what Relena needed. "You would be the best thing for her, everyone knows this… everyone knows this except for you."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Heero stood up from the table and went to the coffee pot to refill his cup.

"Don't make me spell it out for you, man." Duo stated. He thought a moment and then sighed to himself. "And don't make me plan in intervention, there is not enough room here for the five of us, plus Hilde. Hell there is barely enough room here for just Hilde and I, but we manage."

"Duo, I'm not going to ruin her life." Heero poured the coffee into the cup and turned to evaluate his friend a moment.

"You? Ruin her life?" Duo growled. He knew that Heero was being slightly naïve about the whole situation, was he really that blind that he couldn't see what Relena was doing here, what she was hoping her actions and choices would cause. "Heero, did you ever think that she chooses idiots hoping that you would finally get off your high horse and go after her?"

"It's crossed my mind, but she wouldn't be that stupid."

"She ended up in the hospital with the last one, Heero, I believe it is time that you go to her." Duo shook his head.

That news story was all over the place for the last three days. Relena had been found at the bottom of the stairs of her manor, with bruises consistent with being attacked and then broken bones that had been from being thrown down the stairs. If not for Pagan arriving home with the groceries when he did, she may have been dead.

Lord Carlson Jacoby Rathbone, Duke of Luxembourg, was arrested within twenty-four hours of her discovery. It took Trowa, Wufei, Duo and Quatre to convince Heero not to kill the man.

"Lord knows she needs you, more than anyone else in this galaxy."

Heero took his seat once again at the table and stared at his friend for a few moments. He knew Duo was right, he knew that he was what Relena needed, more than anything as of now. His excuse for not being with her was wearing thin with his friends and he knew this as well. Maybe it was time he made the appropriate move. Maybe it was time he…

"Court her." Quatre stated walking into the kitchen. Both Duo and Heero looked up at the blond in shock, neither one hearing him enter the small house or even knowing he was stopping by to visit. "Hilde let me in, I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop in and say hello. I just happen to catch the conversation. Sorry to come by unannounced. Show her that you are the one for her, that you will not hurt her, that you do love her."

"No, it's great to see you!" Duo said with a smile. "Quatre has a point, you should court her." Duo grimaced at the use of the polite term for dating, Quatre was really starting to rub off on him it seemed.

"It should be up to her, not you, as to whether or not you are good for her or not." Quatre sighed as he took a seat at the table. "You'll never know unless you try."

"She wouldn't want me." Heero stood up then and walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room.

"He's lying to himself." Quatre shook his head. He looked at Duo a moment then sighed. "He needs to open his eyes and realize…"

"He will." Duo smiled at the blond.


	2. The Scientist

_**I deleted the original chapter for this. Reason, I was not happy with it and therefore I asked my most favorite co-author on the planet to help me out, he agreed. **_

_**This chapter is dedicated to VampyKitty-Kun. Without him, I'd be lost!  
**_

_**Chapter One: The Scientist**_

_**-x-x-x-x-x-x-**_

He stared at the far wall, dwelling thoroughly on what his actions should be, and what conflicts might arise from his choices. Relena was indeed the reason he still lived, whether he admitted it to himself or not. He was the one who CHOSE to protect her, rather than follow through with his mission priorities by eliminating her, and in doing so, he had saved her life countless times from their common enemies.

**_'I should have been there to protect her as I've always done...'_**

If it had been left up to him, the man that had done this to her would have been dead... punished for ever having laid a hand on her. His actions had not been war driven. They had not been carried out on orders, nor had there been any logical reason for her to sustain injuries... he'd simply just wished to cause her pain... and that could not be forgiven. Alas, his comrades had firmly held him in place, reasoning with him that it wasn't worth the legal ramifications, for himself nor the Preventors, and that Relena would have talked him out of killing the man, despite her present condition, had she not been unconscious at the time.

But that didn't stop him from blaming himself... not at all...

If he had not been on that mission; If he had been where he belonged, he would have not let things go on as long as they had. He would not have let things get so out of hand... and he'd have snapped the man's neck the moment he'd made the decision in his mind to lash out at her and send her reeling down the stairwell.

**_'If only I had been with her instead of him. Then…'_**

No, it was illogical to think that way...he knew damned well that he could not be with her. His mission in life had become protecting her... he was not meant to care for her. That pleasure was reserved for someone far more suited for the job. Not someone in his position...

He knew, or at least he thought he knew, where his lot in life was with the current situation, and that he would never be able to truly provide for her if the situation was ever made prevalent. So in any situation, caring for her would become an obstacle. Something that could be used against him, and he wouldn't be able…

**_'But is that not the same thing? Protecting her, caring for her? Am I in the wrong? Am I making this a bigger issue than it ought to be?'_**

Things were going steadily downhill for her, as far as relationships were concerned, and he kept telling himself not to get involved... but it was so very hard not to. But why bother when he could be killed at any given moment? On any mission? Those that he took on were normally far above anyone else's standards. He was chosen due to his own unique abilities... including his lack luster attitude towards death. He was able to function as he did strictly because he knew his death would mean nothing, and getting killed for what he believed in was well worth while.

But on the other hand... what if one of these relationships with these less then desirable men led to her death? What if she continued to chose the shadiest characters, and ended up severely injured on a regular basis, like with the most recent incident? As is, he was already hating himself for not being there to watch over her, for not being there to stop the man, for being on a mission when he was clearly needed elsewhere, for…

**_'What if I no longer signed on for missions once committing myself to her? What if she truly became my life's mission?'_**

His mind was racing, flitting with thoughts of her...

In all honesty, his mind had been doing this for the last two years. She had managed to stay on his mind from the moment he had met her, the moment he had set eyes on her... even if he hadn't understood it at the time. Those days were far different when compared to the present time, and he knew that he had to move on with his life, no matter which direction he chose. One way or another, he had to make a decision, and carry it out. He needed to let her go all together, or make the decision to stay by her side, unconditionally. He did not think he would be able to handle the heart break if anything were to happen to the woman... and truthfully, he didn't think she would be able to handle the heart break herself if anything ever happened to him. He knew she loved him unconditionally, how, he could never understand, but what kind of love was that truly to be?

Was it the way a sister loved a brother? Or was it something much more… potent?

**_'I must find out the answer. I must know how she truly feels for me... perhaps then I could move on, make my final decisions...'_**

When he had met her, he had no intention of ever surviving past the end of the war... and then after the war, he tried to stay out of her life as much as possible, make her realize that he could never truly be a part of her life. Then the Mariemaia incident happened, and everything came crashing down around him. He realized immediately what had to be done... The world and the colonies needed their Vice Foreign Minister, and if that meant him entering her life once more to return her to their lives, then so be it.

He had nearly lost his life taking out that bunker, the beam cannon backfiring after it had over exerted itself... but if he truly was damned, why did it matter if he died? Someone would be able to get in there and retrieve her if the doorway had been created... if sacrificing himself meant creating that doorway, so be it... Someone could then rescue Relena Darlian.

Much to his surprise, he survived... and that was all the knowledge he needed to take it upon himself to find their inner location, to find her, to save her...

**_'Could I even bring myself to remove her from my life? Could I live my life without her? If not... could I perhaps share my life WITH her?'_**

Every single thought centered around her now that she was in this current condition... and that was unhealthy...

**_'Follow my emotions...right?'_**

Such a simple notion... and yet those few small words had been the best advice he'd ever received. Although the man had clearly been the farthest thing from a proper role model, at the very least he knew... he knew how to live...

So why was it so hard for him? Could it simply be his cowardice? Was he really afraid to be anything more than the human machine he'd spent the majority of his life as?

It was clear now...

_**'She needs me now... I MUST go to her. My mission in life must be to stay with her. This is what my emotions tell me... The worst that she can do is turn me away, and could she really? Do I not know her well enough to know that she would never? I simply must go to her...'**_

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Sanc Kingdom: Peace Manor- Relena's Quarters**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

She lay in bed, staring up blankly at the ceiling. She was unsure of what she was going to do with herself, now that she was on leave for the next month from her Vice Foreign Minister duties... Lady Une had made it quite clear that she was to remain home and recover.

She had sustained a mild concussion, a couple of broken ribs, a severely twisted ankle, and a rather large laceration to the arm... She was lucky to have not broken her neck or a vital limb... such things would have been disastrous to her position, and put her out of action for months.

Due to the concussion, she was ordered to bed rest, in fact, Sally Po had taken up residence so that they could be sure that she followed their orders... and she was far from pleased with that arrangement. Truthfully, she didn't mind the former major residing in her home. In fact, it was pleasant having someone else within the large manor to talk to, other than Pagan. It was just the circumstances in which she had moved in that truly bothered her.

Could she not be trusted to care for herself?

Couldn't Pagan have cared of her?

She knew she had been a little TOO reckless this time, with the man she had chosen to let court her... She had heard the stories about him prior to their relationship, and had chosen not to believe them... a grave mistake it had indeed been, and she would have to live with that. She wasn't stupid, it was the first, and last time, he would ever lay a hand her. Unlike the other women, she had pressed charges, and being the political figure that she was, he would most certainly be incarcerated. Lady Une had already told her that she would personally see to it that the man rotted. He would not get away with what he had done... to her, or any other woman he'd been with.

She knew well that if Heero had been anywhere in, or near the house at that time, he would have put a stop to things far before anything could have happened to her. At least, that was what she told herself...

She wanted desperately to believe that the boy loved her, that he truly did care for her, and that was his reasoning for wanting to protect her... But if this were true, why did Heero Yuy keep to the shadows?

Was he afraid to admit that he had feelings for her? DID he have feelings for her?

**_'If only...'_**

She groaned, and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, her thoughts drifting towards the plethora of things that she would have to go over when she returned to her office. All of her meetings had been postponed for the month... and now all she was able to do was read, or let her mind wander on to less pleasant subjects.

She honestly wondered who they had placed in her position, and if they were capable of running on the efficiency that she herself did... if they were competent enough to make the right choices. Granted, all final decisions would have to be approved by her, but would they let her even see the other options that were given? She worried that this month off would turn out to be a disaster, and the damage control she would have to conduct would be long and tedious. She did not want to be a month behind... If she were the slightest bit lucky, Lucrezia Noin would be in her place... but she wasn't counting on it...

More often than not, her mind wandered to one person in particular, someone she would rather not think about due to the circumstances at hand. She knew that he had been furious, if the story Quatre had told her held true, and she did not have a single reason to doubt the blond. Quatre had even gone as far as to say that self-control was prevalent for all of them; the only one that had actually needed to be restrained was Heero. Her brother was furious when he found out, but was unable to do a thing due to being on Mars... wasn't that saying something?

**_'No one could have predicted this turn of events, no could have known that he would turn abusive... No one would think that anyone would dare do such things to me, the Vice foreign Minister... No one had expected it.'_**

She had always held herself quite capable at reading ones characteristics, and she had felt that this Lord Rathbone was a dignified man, that he would be good for her. Even with the stories she had heard, she just figured that those other women were just jilted lovers. It was common. After what had happened a few nights ago though... she never felt more violated. Her trust in other people had been somewhat diminished due to the attack, and her poor judgment. Even after all that she had been through, wars, explosions, seeing people get shot... nothing had, had the same affect on her as that man's actions. She knew it would be a while till she would let anyone into her heart.

**_'Heero.'_**

Unless…

Unless it was Heero...

She knew she could trust him with her life, even with the death threat he had cast over her five years ago. If he had ever truly meant it, he would have killed her by now, wouldn't he? Also, had he not promised her that he would never kill another person, ever again? Was she herself included, or was she just a separate entity to him?

The list of questions could go on, and on, but she didn't wish to dwell on what she meant to him, nor what her future could hold where he was concerned... not right now...

_**'Heero...Where are you? Why were you not here? Have you finally given up on me? Have you found someone else? Am I not in your heart? Why are you not here?'**_

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

**Maxwell Residence**

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

The decision had been made, and there was no turning back now that he consciously knew that he had more emotion for her than he himself had ever before truly acknowledged... He wasn't exactly sure what he would possibly do to prove to her that he could possibly love her, all he knew was that he had to try...

He knew that giving up his chosen path of apathy, for one of empathy, would be a hard road to follow. He also knew that a universe without Relena would become a black hole, or at least his own personal universe would become one, and he wasn't all too sure that he wanted to experience that scenario...

_**'She is my existence. I realize this now... Am I still hers? What would I need to prove?'**_

Nothing. Absolutely nothing...

She would welcome him with open arms, he knew this.

They all knew this... especially Duo, who had seen it all along, with his eyes unclouded by the hate and destruction that he himself had seen and been through.

And yet... he still sat there, on the bed, staring at the bare wall before him.

He would have to act before anyone else came into her life, providing she allowed anyone past her defenses ever again. She wasn't one to shut people out, but she was also one to not make the same mistake twice...

**_'Except where I'm involved... no matter what I said, no matter what course of actions I took, she kept coming back for more... What am I thinking? She just came out of the hospital, she wouldn't rebound from that experience...that man, that quickly, would she?'_**

No, no she wouldn't.

She was a woman of society, and would be careful not to move on too quickly after a breakup... especially after what had just happened. Though, if it were he that she was moving on to, would it be a completely different situation?

If it were him...then it would be kept quiet until she was ready for the world to know... until he was ready, that he was sure of. Relena would NEVER for him into the limelight...

It was simple really... he would simply parade around, as her bodyguard, and then when the time was right for them both, they wouldn't have to disguise what it really was any longer. It would be easy... or at the very least, far easier than most missions he'd ever accomplished...

**_'Will she accept me for who I am? With all the things horrid things I have done?'_**

Of course she would...

She had accepted him the moment she discovered his motionless body on that the beach... She hadn't even known who he was then, and yet she still accepted him. She had done that with them all... Including her own brother, who had more issues to work through than any other man in the galaxy...

**_'No one ever said it was easy... but no one said it would be this hard either...'_**

His mind was made up.

He was going to act on his emotions, and he knew that what he was about to do would be the best for all parties involved. As long as she didn't turn him away, as long as she allowed him to at least stay, as long as she was taken care of, he would be able to rest at night...

**_'I'll be there for her, whether she'll have me or not.'_**

With finality, he stood from the bed, grabbed the keys off his dresser, and sped out the door down the stairs.


End file.
